Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
