I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
