if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
