I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
