Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
