i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I deserve this hangover.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
