and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he fucked my hip out of place.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
