You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
