I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
