I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
