we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
