He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Every concussion has its silver lining
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
