you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
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I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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