Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
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I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
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Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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