I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
