so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
