I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
