I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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