i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
