And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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