i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
