I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
