Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
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got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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