it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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