There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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