Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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