On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
