Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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