I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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