So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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