i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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