We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
