So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
