Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
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