Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
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i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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