Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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