Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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