We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill