is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
