Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
