Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
