im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
