you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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