her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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