Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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