plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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