I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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