I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
