I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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