I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
