office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
