I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
