my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
