i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
