It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
