I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
