Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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