I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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