i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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