I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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