Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
