i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
