I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
